Another Lesson in Loss ~

Saturday morning started out just like any other Saturday morning; sleeping just a tad bit later than usual, fixing breakfast and getting ready for a football game. We were out the door and headed to a short practice before going to one of our only out of town games. It was a cool and cloudy morning and we were looking forward to a fun day. Halfway to practice I realized I had forgotten my camera; no big deal, there will be other games. Once we got there we also remembered we had forgotten the stripes for one of boys helmets. I offered to go back home to get the stripes and bonus: my camera too. I left K and her friend with R and the team headed back home...

The first thing I saw when I pulled in the driveway were the dogs running to greet me. This is the same every time I or anyone else pulls into the drive. I always slow down, make sure I can see the dogs and sometimes even roll my window down and scold them for getting too close to the car. I'm not sure what happened, but as I turned the wheel to pull under the carport I heard Little Bit yelp. Instinctively I knew what had happened and it wasn't good. I didn't know what to do. Do I back up or pull forward. For a second I was paralyzed. I put the car in park, opened the door and hollered for her. No response. It took all I had in me to get out of my vehicle but I did. I had to.

There she was lying motionless about 8 feet behind the Tahoe...gone.

About this time my phone rang and it was R calling to tell me to get his coaches badge he had forgotten. I answered the phone in tears not knowing what to do next. He said he would be right home. About 10 minutes later him and a friend were there giving Bitsy a proper burial.

My heart was just broken. I dreaded telling the kids (which we decided would be better done the next day after they got home from Nana and Pappy's house.) I had to pull it together because R had a football game to play and I knew he wouldn't be able to if he knew something was wrong.

The thought crossed our minds to tell the kids that we found her at the road...I couldn't do it. This may sound silly, but the thought of keeping the truth from the kids for the rest of my life was not acceptable. The truth is always best. I knew they would be mad at me, but I also knew they would eventually realize there was nothing I could have done to prevent this from happening. If there was, I would have done it.

The next day after church we picked the kids up and headed home. My stomach was in knots and became worse with every mile we came closer to the house. Well, the moment of truth had arrived. We took the kids  to the spot that has quickly become our very own pet cemetery. They saw the little cross R had made with Little Bit's name on it and asked very calmly what happened. We explained, they started crying and the grieving process began.

As I suspected, R was mad at me at first. K just sat in my lap for about an hour crying. It's a crazy thing to see your children go through the stages of grief in a matter of minutes. We encourage the tears. Tears heal broken hearts. Never have we told our kids to stop crying. After the tears stopped falling, we went outside, I pushed K on the swing, we jumped on the trampoline and loved on the furry family we still have.

We're going to miss Bitsy around here. Everywhere I look I see things that remind me of her. I'm going to miss her when I do my sprint intervals. She never quit; while Sam might run one and then just watch, she was in for the duration of the workout. Although we only had her for a short time, we loved her very much. Our pets are like family...

Yesterday I was walking back to the house after taking a bag of trash out and one of the men who work for us asked me about Bitsy. I explained to him what happened and he said, "She was a good little dog. We're going to miss her." Yes...we are.

12 Random Things ~

For several months now I've been following this fun blog. She has lots of great ideas for those of us who love digi stuff. :) Right now she's in the middle of her "Summer Tour" where everyday she features a new site that she loves. Her "Tour" posts are not all about digital scrapbooking and I have loved learning about these fun sites. So, on the 12th of every month (but not this one because she's touring) she takes and posts 12 pictures she has taken that day. This challenge started a few years ago (not sure where;) the point is to take 12 photos on the 12th of each month and it just so happens to be 2012...pretty cool. I have not been doing this, but yesterday when I got my email photo prompt from Katrina Kennedy at Capture Your 365 I thought I might as well...12 pics of 12 things I love (not in any particular order.)

The first thing that popped into my head when I grabbed my camera was a dozen eggs. How appropriate ~ 12 eggs on the 12th day of 2012. Seriously, I love eggs! I eat 3 eggs in some way, shape or form every single morning. If I don't, I feel bad and my day is off. If you think this is too much of a good thing, I encourage you to dig in and do a little research on the health benefits of eggs. They are, in mine and many others' opinions, nature's perfect food. 

This picture is a two in one. :) I love my camera! This is my second Canon Rebel. My first was stolen out of my vehicle. It was horrible and I don't want to talk about it. What I will talk about is how much I love my camera and my new haircut. I feel like 10 lbs has been removed from my shoulders; literally. I have really thick hair. I'm really wondering why I ever let it get that long. Oh well, let's move on...

Not a morning goes by that I do not have a cup of this...with a little spoon of Xylitol, a Tbsp of coconut oil and a dash of almond milk. I really love half and half, but I've had to back off the cream because it makes me crave carbs later in the day. Yes, I know my body that well. Don't laugh.

Happiness is a few squares of this chocolate about 3 o'clock in the afternoon...just sayin'

This has been consuming my life for the past week. For the past 8 years I have led music for VBS. It's a lot of work learning the motions, but I love it! The kids and I still sing songs from past VBS's. I can still remember the words and motions to the very first year. It was called "Dig Deep," and I was an idiot because I didn't realize there was motions to the music. Imagine my horror when I got there the first night unprepared. It was horrifying, but I survived and here we are 8 years later, so I guess I survived. :) I pray that the music this year touches little hearts and opens their eyes to the wonders of God's creations!

No, my kids are not glued to this stuff all day, but I am glad that they are learning their way around the web and are able to enjoy the technology that is all around us. 

R has been working on a string art project. I finally remembered to buy him some more nails, so yesterday he sat down and hammered away at it. :) I will post the completed project one of these days. I love that my kids love to create. We haven't crafted this summer nearly as much as we did last year, but it seems we've been busier. R's been helping his daddy more, they've spent way more time with grandparents and add in the camps that K is finally old enough to attend and *poof* the time is gone.

There are few things I love as much as a good love note from my girl. This one about made me cry. It's posted on the fridge for all to be reminded of this simple truth.

I really should have posted this up by the tea pic. Oh well. I consume alot of this stuff. I promise you it's good for you. Again, research it. Not to get too off topic, but all through my twenties and most of my thirties I suffered from adult onset acne; or whatever you want to call it. I called it a major pain in the patootie!! It was only after I cut out grains and added coconut oil to my diet that my face cleared up. My skin has never looked better. Love love love coconut oil!

I love that the cotton is growing. It's crazy how after a good rain you just wake up one morning and the plants have almost doubled in size. The plants are happy, the farmer is happy, which in turns makes the family happy. Rain is a good thing!

And here it is ~ the embarrassing picture that my kids will kill me for posting. No, I didn't take this one yesterday, but I had to include this funny little story. Several weeks ago my dad and I were reminiscing about how my sister and I used to lock ourselves in the bathroom and stuff our back end with wash clothes and hand towels whenever Dad was after us with his belt. Gasp!! Yes, we were spanked as children. On this particular day, I had had enough! I marched to the closet to grab a belt and when I returned to the living room both kids were locked in the bathroom. I thought, "Good, as long as they're quiet and not killing each other." So I went about my business with the belt under my arm. The next thing I know they are locked in my bedroom...again, all is quiet all is good. Before long they started running up behind me trying to scare me, I would turn around and chase them with the belt. This went on for a while. I finally decided to hide in K's room and jump out and scare them when they came by. I wish I had thought to grab my video camera. The looks on their faces when they realized I was behind them (with the belt) was priceless. The look of shear terror was hilarious. The picture above shows what they were up to in my bedroom. R is wearing my favorite GAP t-shirt stretched out about 5 sizes with a twin size blanket stuffed in it. They had towel and pillows stuffed everywhere. On this day they learned to work together to avoid the wrath of the belt (which they rarely get btw) and I get a funny story to tell.

I hope you've enjoyed my "12 little pics" project. I encourage you to do it too. It's fun to capture the details of everyday life!

ps ~ thanks to spell check I will never have to learn to spell the words embarrassing and reminiscing. :)

It's the Love that's in it ~

So as I sit here typing this, my house is extremely quiet; the only sounds are the air conditioner and the fridge. Oh and the sound of my spoon clanking on the side of the bowl of homemade ice cream I am eating. We had friends over last night for burgers, brownies and homemade ice cream. After an hour long search for our ice cream freezer, I made a trip to WallyWorld to buy one. For the life of me I have no idea where that freezer is. I'm pretty sure last night was my first time to make ice cream in about five or six years. Anyway, I was skeptical but it turned out pretty good and over homemade brownies...yummo! There is a reason I don't make ice cream. You got it ~ I have zero self control when it's in my house.

My mom and her sister came over today and we sat up "T's Beauty Shop." My mom is a licensed beautician and worked her fingers to the bone to put my dad through college. She worked until I was about four and then became a stay-at-home mom. When I was in high school she instructed me on how to give her a perm and haircut. I must say I'm pretty good and if need be, I could probably go to cosmetology school and make a go of it. Everyone might end up looking like my mom but oh well. :)

The kiddos decided they wanted to go back to the farm with Nana today, so we loaded up the Tahoe (and I do mean loaded up ~ K has to take everything but the kitchen sink with her when she goes places. I'm sure if she owned an American Girl Doll sink, she would have taken it.)

These are just the toys she took; their suitcase is up front. She comes by it honestly though. My mom does not travel light and is a master at packing the car. We used to travel to my grandparents' house for Christmas on Christmas Eve and my mom somehow managed to pack all the luggage and gifts in the trunk of our old blue Buick. I'm still not sure how she pulled that off; Christmas magic I guess.

So as we were loading up the Tahoe, K was telling me how she hoped Nana would make spaghetti while they were there. My mom makes the BEST spaghetti sauce ever and the kids love it. I think she could feed them that spaghetti for every meal and they would be happy. I told her I thought she was planning on making spaghetti while they were there. K said, "I wonder what she puts in it that makes it so good. I bet she uses a special ingredient." I said, "I bet you're right and you know what I think that ingredient is?" Without skipping a beat she said, "Love, because love makes everything special."

Always thinking of her ~

This is not the blog post I had planned for today. I've been trying to get back in blogging mode, but to be quite honest I just haven't felt like writing. It takes me a while after the holidays to get back in the swing of things. My house is finally back in order, and I'm the type that can't do anything creative if there are other things that need to be done first. I do consider my blog to be an aspect of my creative life. I love to pick just the right picture and edit it if need be. I love to pick the right words to get my feelings across and when things are out of order, my creative side hides. :) I'm slowly finding it, so last night when K came in wanting to read a poem she had written I had a funny feeling I might have just stumbled upon my next post.

Her class at school has been talking about and writing poems for the past few weeks, so she sat down and wrote this one last night ~

My dad, my dad I see him everyday.

My dad, my dad I love him everyday.

My mom, my mom I see her everyday.

My mom, my mom I love her everyday.

My brother, my brother I see him everyday.

My brother, my brother I love him everyday.

My sister, my sister I see her in my heart.

My sister, my sister I love her with all my heart.

My heart literally melted as she was reading her sweet poem. I know she could see in my eyes how much I loved it. I scooped her up in a great big hug and told her so; then she asked me, "Do you think Sissy has curly hair or straight hair?" I told her I was pretty sure it was just like hers...

Words of Affirmation ~

How many of you remember specific words that were spoken to you as a child? I'm sure most of us can...some good, some bad. I remember at the dinner table growing up; my dad would say, "Whatever you do, don't ever start smoking." You see my dad lost his dad (who was a smoker) at a very young age. He found it very important to remind us daily how bad that habit was for us. I also remember Dad saying, "C*****s never quit." Those were pretty handy words to remember when times got tough. Another important goal my parents set for me and my sister was the goal of higher education. My dad was the first of his family to graduate from college and both my parents were adament that we go. I'm proud to say we both achieved that goal and even though we chose to be stay-at-home moms, it's pretty cool that we both fulfilled that dream (thanks Mom and Dad!)

Fast forward several years and now it's my turn to remind my children of what I feel is important. Yes, I've told them that smoking is bad, but I don't say it everyday. We've talked about higher education and R is already planning his college career and big R is already saying to them, "Remember what your last name is." This is, by the way, something I've heard his dad say to the older grandkids.

About a month ago big R and I went to see The Help and I loved the little phrase Aibileen would repeat to Mae Mobley, but I didn't really think anything about it after the movie. Several weeks later I came across a canvas on pinterest that someone had printed this quote on. So half jokingly I started saying this little quote to the kids (accent and all.) At first they thought I was crazy and laughed...then something funny happened; they wanted me to keep saying it. I bet I repeated that quote 50 times that day. The more I said it, the more convicted I got that my kids really needed to hear these words and they were being spoken in a way that would cause them to remember them forever.

Last night I held K's face in my hands and said these words to her...You is kind. You is smart. You is important. She smiled and went about working on the picture she was drawing. In her own little world, concentrating on yet another masterpiece, she starts repeating...You is kind. You is smart. You is important. (with an emphasis on important.) I just listened while acting like I wasn't really paying attention. She repeated the quote about six times ~ it was beautiful. The whole time I'm amazed and prayerful that those words are sinking in.

Someday my kids will look back and remember the words that were repeatedly spoken to them over the years and I hope my grandchildren get to hear these words of affirmation some day ~ You is kind. You is smart. You is important.

The Best Day Ever ~

When I got home from the grocery store on September 28th, I noticed several Monarch butterflies fluttering around our backyard. I knew it was time for the Monarchs to migrate, but this was the first time I had seen so many in our yard. I unloaded the groceries and had a few minutes before I had to pick the kids up so I grabbed my camera and snapped several photos of the butterflies. Let me just tell you, it's not easy to photograph a butterfly, and I quickly found out getting a photo of one with it's wings open was next to impossible. Oh well, better luck next time and off I went to school...

On this day, R was to go to the fair with a friend which left me with a dilemma ~ how to break the news to K. I chose the easy way out and decided not to tell her until absolutely necessary (which I was hoping would be never.) My kiddos love the fair and we had already gone on Sunday, so it wasn't like she was being completely mistreated. Anyway, back to my story...R went with his friend and K and I went home; all the while she's planning what we would do, just the two of us. First on her agenda was a picnic in the front yard. We packed our basket with whatever we could find that was portable, locked Sam in the garage (because the last thing we needed was a dog destroying our picnic,) and headed out to spread our blanket. When we rounded the corner of the house, we saw the most amazing sight ~ a sea of butterflies floating over the flowers in our flower bed. The same flowers I almost cleaned out the week before (I'm ready for pansies people!) I sprinted back to the house to get my camera and a second chance to photograph the elusive creatures. We snapped pictures in between bites of pb&j and marveled at their beauty.

Have you ever listened really closely to the flutter of butterfly wings? It's magical ~ and if you close your eyes you can imagine the sound of angels wings.

I finally found a butterfly nice enough to let me capture it in all it's glory. I'm not kidding. Try it someday, it takes persistence. :)

While we were sitting outside enjoying our picnic, K climbed onto my lap and said, "This is the best day ever!" The best day ever wasn't being spent riding rides and eating cotton candy, it was being spent on a blanket surrounded by butterflies.

Our picnic eventually came to an end. We loaded up her scooter and went to the park and then came home for "do it yourself" pedicures. We had fun! Yes, she found out the next day her brother got to go back to the fair, but she was only sad for a second. I really think in her little mind she knows we shared a very special day that wouldn't have happened if we had not been home, together, just the two of us.

She grew up on the side of the road...

K's favorite song right now is Lady A's American Honey. More times than not when we get in the car she's asking to listen to that song. I love that she knows all the words and we can sing together. This, on the other hand, drives R crazy (he's really sick of this song.) I love that the song reminds me of my childhood and it describes K's perfectly.

Last night while she was in the shower and I was brushing my teeth she busts out singing her favorite song ~ it was beautiful. When she finished, she said, "Mommy, I thought of a song but I'm embarassed to sing it." I told her not to be embarassed and that I would love to hear it. What happened next was magical. She started singing the most beautiful song I've ever heard in the sweetest little voice. I quickly ran and grabbed my journal and started scribbling the words as fast as I could (trying to remember.) I asked her to sing it again so she did, pretty much the same as the first time.

He Died on the Cross

He died on the cross

He died on the cross

For us...for us

He died for our sins

He died for our hearts

He doesn't like it when people be mean

He cries...

He  died  on  the  cross

I love this so much ~ it makes my heart sing to know that out of all the things she could have thought of to sing about, she chose our Saviour. I love you so much sweet girl and I pray you always have a song in your heart.